


The Truth Impales

by lazarus_girl



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 15:59:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2074251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazarus_girl/pseuds/lazarus_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the confines of a motel bathroom, Karma and Amy ready themselves for the biggest test of their friendship. More confused than ever by her developing feelings for Karma, Amy wonders if a threesome with Liam is one step too far. </p><p>
  <i>“This whole thing has been an unholy alliance from start to finish.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth Impales

**Author's Note:**

> Set during 1x06 ‘Three to Tango.’ A free write piece that I used to cure my block. Hopefully sheds light on Amy’s thought process during that time. Written for and prompted by [marry-me-naya](http://marry-me-naya.tumblr.com). Title and lyrics from Ingrid Michaelson’s ['Sort Of'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_4utiBscIE). Thank you to Team Beta (a.k.a [cobaltsiren](http://cobaltsiren.tumblr.com) and [itcameuponamidnightqueer](http://itcameuponamidnightqueer.tumblr.com)) for talking this out with me and looking it all over. You guys are made of awesome.

***

_And if I was stronger then I would tell you no_  
 _And if I was stronger then I would leave this show_  
 _And if I was stronger then I would up and go_  
 _But here I am and here we go again_

***

Any moment now, you think Karma will come to her senses and end this before it starts, but that moment never comes, no matter how long you stare at her reflection in the cheap motel bathroom mirror, willing her to turn around. It never came in the lingerie store when she was trying on different ensembles. It never came when you rehearsed exactly how this would go and the full extent of Karma’s plan unveiled itself – and surprise, surprise, this love triangle isn’t equilateral. It never came in the cab ride on the way to the motel where Karma gripped your hand so tightly that it actually hurt. Everything about this just feels _wrong_.

Threesome. Even the word is ridiculous.

It isn’t exactly how you imagined your first time. OK, so you don’t _quite_ subscribe to the hearts and flowers, super romantic vision that Karma always has, but you didn’t think it’d play out like some sordid, cheap male fantasy either. You know too that virginity is essentially a societal concept, so the specialness of this moment is relative, but still it matters. You wanted at least to be somewhere near being in love with the person you’re sharing this experience with.

That’s the only thing keeping you here, which is what makes this so incredibly uncomfortable. You love Karma. You’re _in_ love with her. She’s crept into your heart some time, without your notice. That kiss in the gym just lit the spark that let you see well enough to find the dark little corner she’s always occupied.

The quiet, rational side of you that you’ve listened to less and less ever since you and Karma started faking it is practically screaming at you to turn tail and run before it’s too late, but you _can’t_ because it’s Karma. She’s terrified – she’s quiet and refuses to look you in the eye – and you’ve never turned your back on her, even though this faking it thing has become so much more involved than you ever thought. You’re getting less and less reluctant and it’s feeling more and more real.

The urge to just take her hand and drag her out of here, no explanations, is stronger than ever.

Faking it was never meant to last. It was never meant to devolve into this ungodly mess of co-dependency and scheming. You caved and said yes on that roof because Karma practically begged you, and you’re defenceless when it comes to her. You’ve always been weak, but these days, she makes you weaker still. Resistance is futile. Karma’s using you, and you’re using Karma. Maybe Liam’s using both of you. Everyone is lying and the truth is getting harder to tell.

You’ve given it serious thought lately, just getting it all out there like Shane keeps saying you should. It’d be a relief, you think, just to offload it. You felt lighter once Shane knew, and Karma’s one of the few people in this world who wouldn’t disown you for saying how you feel. Unfortunately, she’s also the one person you’re too afraid to say those things to. You don’t want to ruin what you have and make things weird or awkward. Whenever you get brave and want to unburden yourself, you think about what Jasmine said, how distant she and her friend became, your grocery line nightmare, and how you could really lose Karma for good if you’re not careful. You’re equally terrified that she might feel exactly the same.

Karma matters most to you. Karma matters more than feelings and love and Liam _fucking_ Booker.

Silence is best.

Silence led you here; hair curled, make-up applied by Karma’s unsteady hands, dressed in your mother’s trench coat, hiding some insanely expensive ‘sexy’ lingerie from Karma underneath. It’s an alien concept, entirely different from how you usually dress, and seeing your ordinary clothes in a neat pile with Karma’s on the floor nearby only makes all this feel weirder. You’re shedding a skin for her. You’re becoming someone else. The pretty salesgirl at the store told you she knew just what you needed to impress someone. It’s the first really calculated move you’ve made in all this, and it makes you feel wretched and duplicitous for wanting to force Karma’s hand, but it’s getting harder to maintain that silence. The feelings you pray will go away, dissolve and fritter into nothing, are getting heavier; suffocating you so it’s hard to think and harder to breathe than it was before.

You’re not sure how long you can last like this. You’re not sure how long it’ll be until Karma finally notices something is different about you.

One kiss was enough to send you into a complete and total emotional tailspin, so what the hell will happen when you’re in front of a very naked Karma, expected to know what to do. Expected to know where to kiss and how to touch because you’re supposed have done all this before. Multiple times, because that’s what real girlfriends do. A small part of you – tiny, miniscule – wanted to suggest taking Liam out of the equation and be each other’s first time. That way, she wouldn’t be nervous whenever the opportunity presented itself with him. But, you weren’t brave enough, and that was before Karma shoved her hand over your mouth, pretending to kiss you instead of kissing you with the practiced ease she has for so long now.

Maybe something is changing with her too.

OK, so it’d be pushing things way too far and feel completely weird for the first few minutes at least, but you could play it out right. You’d get the candles and the rose petals and put on the playlist she’s already picked out, never laughing at how cheesy and cliché it all is. You’d take your time; go slow and careful. It might not be that amazing because dossier notwithstanding, you don’t have any real idea of what to do and you only know what feels good to you, but you’re fairly certain it’d be better than this. The playlist and the rose petals were all you could think of as you helped Karma get into her corset, because it was too difficult on her own. You were careful not to pull the laces too tightly, even though she said you could, worried as you listened to her quickening breaths as she tried to get used to wearing it.

You feel just as hemmed in now.

You’re so nervous that you feel like throwing up, and it’s not because you’ve already downed far too much of the mini-bar on an empty stomach in the name of courage – you clinked your bottle with Karma’s in the emptiest of toasts, flinching at the burn. Another mistake. Usually, you’d make a joke just to break tension, but you’ve barely spoken since you left your house earlier this afternoon. For once, you have no idea what to say.

Under the harsh lights in this bathroom, you look older than you are, but you’ve never felt younger. You’ve been staring at your reflection so long that it doesn’t even feel like you anymore. Maybe it’s better that way.

Liam raps lightly on the door; once, twice, three times – as agreed – and the sudden noise makes you both jump. You’d forgotten he was even there. The reminder is painful.

Karma turns to face you at last, fiddling nervously with the belt on her coat.

“Ready?” she asks, in a small, thin voice, stepping carefully toward you.

You swallow hard, struck by how different and how beautiful – how very Karma and very un-Karma – she looks in this moment. You’re tempted to say it, just to boost her confidence, but you stop short, fearful it’ll be too much.

“As I’ll ever be,” you reply finally, with a nervous laugh, reaching to take her hand. It’s just as clammy as your own.

All you have to do is focus on Karma. As long as you can see her, and keep contact in some way, you’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. Then it dawns on you, belatedly, Liam is part of all this too. You’ll have to watch him touching her and kissing her like you’ve only dreamt about. He’ll be the one unlacing that corset in a few minutes. The thought of it makes your stomach lurch. The thought of him touching you makes you feel even worse.

“You can back out you know,” she reminds you, as if sensing something, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

“I know,” you reply, quickly and simply, surprised that you don’t take the out when she offers it. “I promised, didn’t I?”

It sounds so innocent. A promise. This whole thing has been an unholy alliance from start to finish. Any perspective you had on what was too much and every boundary you’ve set as the point where you’ll call a halt to everything is gone. It’s dangerous territory.

“Will you stay?” 

For a few seconds, you don’t know what to say, because this wasn’t the plan, and she looks kind of surprised she’s said it. There’s the out again, staring you in the face. ‘No Karma, let’s go, this is stupid,’ you could say. Or maybe, ‘You deserve a romantic first time. It should be special.’ No, you know exactly what you should say: ‘Don’t throw it away. You’re worth more than this.’

“I know it’s weird and I’m asking way too much of you,” she jumps in, panicked when you don’t answer.

When you open your mouth to speak, none of those words from the sensible part of your brain come out.

“It’s OK,” you assure her. “I’ll stay,” you force a smile, just to make her feel a little better.

It works. She looks fractionally less terrified.

The second you’ve said it, you want to take it back. You know it’s the biggest mistake of all, second only to the lingerie. Whatever happens, how ever far it goes, you’ll never quite be the same, and you both know it.

“You’re the best friend I could ever ask for, you know that?” Karma says, soft and sincere. Then, she presses her lips to yours in a lingering kiss before adding a quiet, “I love you.”

You’re not sure what it means, but you don’t have time to process it, because Karma’s tugging you by the hand toward the door as she opens it. Liam is revealed on the other side, standing awkwardly near the end of the bed, smoothing his shirt. His eyes dart back and forth between you both, tongue poking out to wet his lips. He looks nervous enough for you both. Nothing like the Liam Booker that Shane tells you about.

“Ready?” Liam asks, after what feels like forever, and it sounds completely different to when Karma did a few moments ago.

Karma squeezes your hand a bit tighter in response. There’s no turning back now.


End file.
